I just got a Golden retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse (plus wanted her to mind her own business),

I told her
that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of
my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

By this time practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.